I've never been the type of woman that wanted to be pregnant. Some women just long for that feeling. I have been the exact opposite, hoping instead that I never have to experience morning sickness; swollen ankles; kicks in the ribs, bladder, or lungs; labor pains and visually sharing my va-j-j with hordes of doctors and nurses. In December 2008, I got my wish. I had to have a hysterectomy.
So many people were worried about my emotions - knowing that I would never be able to give birth - and how I would be affected by this knowledge. They fretted over nothing. If there was an emotion they needed to worry about, it was that I was just too dang happy to be free of a uterus and ovaries that had become my arch enemies.
And I've never been the type of woman that desperately wanted to be a mother. I do have some maternal instincts but I was too concerned about my career to care much about kids. I also knew that Kurt, my wonderful husband of nearly five years, wanted kids. After surgery, I began to realize that "children" was the elephant in the room that needed to be addressed. I wasn't going to be the one to address it. But it still needed to be addressed!
Knowing Kurt wanted kids, I began to pray: "Ok, God. If you want us to have kids, you're going to have to seriously change my heart and cause me to long for kids like I've never wanted anything more. Otherwise, it's Kurt's heart you're going to have to change."
Want to guess which heart changed?
And so begins our journey of adoption. We are in the beginning phases of that trip; trying to decide on domestic vs. international and such other things. In some ways, this is almost like planning a wedding! So many details to think about. I had no idea! It is incredibly exciting and frightening and exhilarating and tiring all at the same time.
We are blessed to have wonderful friends who are supporting us in this journey. Our church, Zionsville Fellowship, has begun an adoption ministry, and we are now serving on the team. Many in our church have gone through the adoption process, so we're surrounded by lots of folks who have been there, done that. Our families are tickled pink - or maybe blue - on our behalf!
Our friend, Steve Walker, who, along with his wife, Betsy, have adopted two awesome kids, recently said his best advice to us is to have lots of Kleenex on hand. It will be a journey of emotions: grief and joy and heartbreak and happiness. It will be an incredibly spiritual journey as well.
We thought you'd like to come along for the ride. So, feel free to subscribe to our blog, and we'll keep you updated on progress. In the meantime, we appreciate your love and prayers!