Monday, October 26, 2009

Home Study Documents

The home study is in full swing! We have been gathering documents and making copies! It's been a rather interesting process, and as I shuffle all the pieces of paper around, I am very thankful that we don't have as much document gathering to do as our friends who have done or are in the middle of an international adoption. Probably the most fun I am having is completing the autobiographical statement. Of course, being a writer makes it exciting because in some way, I get to tell a story! And I get to go down memory lane to do it. It's also made me thankful for all the hurts and healing that's happened in my life.

I visited with my doctor's office today to get a physical, another part of the home study process. My Nurse Practitioner, Kelley, said she's filled out a number of these types of forms for folks interested in adopting. And she noted that it seems so incredibly difficult to get through the adoption process while so many others are popping kids out left and right and probably shouldn't even be allowed to procreate much less try to raise a family. Unfortunately, for those of us who want desperately to have a child, we are the ones struggling to prove that we are worthy of parenthood while others should be ashamed to call themselves parents.

Hopefully we can complete everything by the end of this week. And then we get to have our interview with Brooke, the Director of Adoption Preparation for MLJ Adoptions.

In the meantime, nothing new on the baby front... still waiting.

And I ask for specific prayers for our good friends, Mark and Diane Goins, who are in a battle to win a favorable decision by a judge in Ukraine to bring home Katarina and Nathaniel. It's been an emotionally and spiritually challenging journey for them, but they are such an inspiration. In the face of it all, they continue to lean on our Lord, and they continue in obedience. This battle is about so much more than the children, but it is the children who need a wonderful family like the Goins's. Please pray fervently for them.

Monday, October 12, 2009

New Web Site

As the wait continues, we continue to do what we can to get the word out. We have created a new web site which we hope will reach a wide audience of potential birth mothers. Please take a look and let us know what you think.

This web site is birth-mom directed and will maintain a bit of autonomy for us. But we appreciate your willingness to share it with your friends and family. I will be updating the blog on that site often, so feel free to check back regularly or sign up for RSS feeds.

We're also still in the fund raising process. We still have a couch for sale, and we've reduced the price - again! It is now $75, but we'll take whatever we can get at this point!

We will soon begin exploring other ways to raise funds but we can assure you it will NOT be another garage sale! :-)

We continue to thank you for your constant prayers and support. We couldn't do this without you!

Monday, October 5, 2009

The Wait

I have said it before, and I'll say it again. In fact, I'll quote Tom Petty because he said it so eloquently in his song: "The waiting is the hardest part."

I've never been pregnant, but in many ways, I feel like adopting has to be worse than being pregnant. At least a pregnant woman knows the E.T.A. for their child. We don't even know if our birth mother is pregnant yet, and that means we don't know when the child will join our family.

I believe I have been fairly constant in remaining patient in the midst of the wait. I keep reminding myself that God is working behind the scenes, and even though I can't see it, everything has already been set in motion. The few times I have wavered in my calmness, I felt guilty. I beat myself up thinking that I'm not being a strong enough Christian if I doubt or allow a crack to weaken my wall of faith. So, I straighten myself up and remind myself of God's awesome promise, and that He never fails. And that pep talk usually works. Until today...

Earlier this afternoon, I heard a news report that a baby had been found dead in a dumpster. This is when my faith wavers. How? Why? Why would a mother (or father) just let a baby die? Don't they know there are people out there who desperately want to add a child to their family but can't? Don't they know there are people who would willingly take their child if they just don't want it anymore?

In this age of technology and education and resources, why would someone allow death for their child? And yet there are still too many irresponsible people thinking only of themselves in the midst of their chaos - chaos they probably created.

I never dreamed that some day my whole soul would ache so much for a child. Sometimes I feel like the love I already have for our child is so overwhelming that I just can't breath. And this is only the beginning!

There is a purpose for everything, but time is standing still in my life right now. Every minute without a child feels like a moment of lost living. I know I can't put my life on hold (and I don't) but it's just knowing that someday... but not knowing when that someday will be. And in the meantime, another baby dies needlessly.