Since the door to adopting in Russia has closed, we have moved forward with a local Indianapolis agency, MLJ Adoptions, and decided on domestic adoption. As we said before, we're a bit freaked out about that concept but we keep reminding ourselves that God already has our child picked out for us. He's in complete control over things, and nothing will change His plan for our lives. Sure there might be some heartbreak in the midst of this adoption process, but I also know there will be great joy. And if God can use us to encourage others and point them toward Him, it's worth it.
Ok... I just got off track there but I speak with great joy and confidence in God's purpose and provision for our future forever family!
What I wanted to say is that we're looking for a baby. Yeah, that sounded pretty weird. I keep hearing that one of the best ways to find a birth-mother is to advertise. I'm still having a hard time swallowing that idea though. I mean, what does our ad look like: Married Caucasian couple seeking healthy newborn of no more than 10 pounds? That's just so unnatural.
And actually, that's not exactly what we'll do. But it feels like that's exactly what we're doing. Sure there is some legitimate advertising that goes on but the agency handles most of that. Our part comes about as we let people know that we're indeed hoping to adopt a newborn (but it doesn't matter how much he or she weighs!). Perhaps you know someone who has a teenage daughter who's gotten herself into a sticky situation. Maybe you're an OB/GYN who sees women who aren't ready or are unable to handle another child. Suppose you have a neighbor who has a cousin in Oregon who has a daughter in Alabama who needs a forever family for her unborn child.
What we're saying is that we'd welcome the connection.
There... I said it. And somehow, it still feels weird! But I know that our God is a wonderful God whose ways are not our ways. And we know that He can do exceedingly and abundantly more than we could have ever imagined. So, if this is part of the road we must travel, so be it!
Showing posts with label Russia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Russia. Show all posts
Friday, June 19, 2009
Saturday, June 13, 2009
When One Door Closes...
Everyone's heard the phrase, "When one door closes, God opens another."
My Canadian friend and politician, Serge, often says that in order to be ready for that door to open, you first have to be in the hallway. Well, Kurt and I are in the hallway waiting for the next door to open.
The door to adopting from Russia has closed permanently and apparently has deadbolts on it. We sent in our application - and non-refundable $250 application fee - to America World Adoption Association early in May. There were a number of things that drew us to this organization but one of the biggest things is that I had a positive conversation with a representative about my previous diagnosis of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. She felt that the diagnosis would probably not be an issue even though we wanted to adopt from Russia, a country that will not consider anyone with a history of "mental health issues" such as depression, etc.
A few days after sending in the application (and our non-refundable $250 application fee), we received a call from another young lady from the agency. After going back and forth with them for about a week, we received word from them: We would not be considered as adoptive parents in Russia. Final answer.
I expressed my frustration with the young woman and told her that we felt deceived. They now had our $250 non-refundable fee but we never made it past the application process. (I am curious to know what they did with that $250 - aside of just telling us that we can't adopt from Russia after they told that we probably would be able to adopt from Russia.) She recommended we go through the Grievance Procedure to see if we could get our money back. I'm not holding my breath.
Kurt and I are incredibly disappointed but it has become clear that God doesn't want us to adopt from Russia, and we're learning to accept that. This experience has also shown us the tremendous risk in adopting. We specifically chose to go with international adoption because there seemed to be less risk than domestic adoption, where a birth-mother could easily change her mind. But if you look at it from the international perspective, it may not be the birth-mother changing her mind. It could just be the country that changes its mind for one reason or another.
My mom was pretty ticked off when I told her the news. And a few others have made similar comments: "They'd rather leave a child alone in an orphan without the love of Godly parents..." But I'm trying to remember that in this process, it's not about finding a child for a family. It is about finding a family for the child.
We did our due diligence and checked with some other agencies about this issue. The response was always the same. In some ways I feel responsible - like I'm some sort of freak of nature because of my diagnosis. But I can't change what happened to me. And I am proud of the person I have become despite those obstacles.
A new path is being forged. We are now moving forward with domestic adoption and have chosen MLJ Adoptions as our agency of choice. We hope to have a profile completed very soon so birth-mother's can start to consider us as possible choices to raise their child(ren). It's all in God's Hands; and they're mighty Hands indeed!
My Canadian friend and politician, Serge, often says that in order to be ready for that door to open, you first have to be in the hallway. Well, Kurt and I are in the hallway waiting for the next door to open.
The door to adopting from Russia has closed permanently and apparently has deadbolts on it. We sent in our application - and non-refundable $250 application fee - to America World Adoption Association early in May. There were a number of things that drew us to this organization but one of the biggest things is that I had a positive conversation with a representative about my previous diagnosis of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. She felt that the diagnosis would probably not be an issue even though we wanted to adopt from Russia, a country that will not consider anyone with a history of "mental health issues" such as depression, etc.
A few days after sending in the application (and our non-refundable $250 application fee), we received a call from another young lady from the agency. After going back and forth with them for about a week, we received word from them: We would not be considered as adoptive parents in Russia. Final answer.
I expressed my frustration with the young woman and told her that we felt deceived. They now had our $250 non-refundable fee but we never made it past the application process. (I am curious to know what they did with that $250 - aside of just telling us that we can't adopt from Russia after they told that we probably would be able to adopt from Russia.) She recommended we go through the Grievance Procedure to see if we could get our money back. I'm not holding my breath.
Kurt and I are incredibly disappointed but it has become clear that God doesn't want us to adopt from Russia, and we're learning to accept that. This experience has also shown us the tremendous risk in adopting. We specifically chose to go with international adoption because there seemed to be less risk than domestic adoption, where a birth-mother could easily change her mind. But if you look at it from the international perspective, it may not be the birth-mother changing her mind. It could just be the country that changes its mind for one reason or another.
My mom was pretty ticked off when I told her the news. And a few others have made similar comments: "They'd rather leave a child alone in an orphan without the love of Godly parents..." But I'm trying to remember that in this process, it's not about finding a child for a family. It is about finding a family for the child.
We did our due diligence and checked with some other agencies about this issue. The response was always the same. In some ways I feel responsible - like I'm some sort of freak of nature because of my diagnosis. But I can't change what happened to me. And I am proud of the person I have become despite those obstacles.
A new path is being forged. We are now moving forward with domestic adoption and have chosen MLJ Adoptions as our agency of choice. We hope to have a profile completed very soon so birth-mother's can start to consider us as possible choices to raise their child(ren). It's all in God's Hands; and they're mighty Hands indeed!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
The Wait
There's an oldie but a goodie by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers where he sings, "The waiting is the hardest part." This is where we are right now... waiting. And we know this is just the first stage of waiting! But we're ok with that.
We sent off our application for adoption yesterday. We did so after much consideration and prayer about which agency to use. The seminar by America World Adoption Association a couple of weeks ago was fantastic. We ended up choosing them partly because of the seminar, partly because of other friends who are using them and seem pleased. But a big reason we chose them was the help they provided me after the seminar.
As I mentioned in another post, I was particularly concerned about all the stuff I had been reading about not being considered as a prospective adoptive parent if there was a history of depression. I contacted AWAA and spent quite a bit of time on the phone with a gal who handles the region where we were considering adoption. She answered so many questions and really took time to listen to my concerns. In the end, her generosity and willingness to be of encouragement and truth is what won me over.
We have chosen to adopt from Russia. We had been considering Kazakhstan, Ukraine and Russia. We chose Russia because this is where we'd have a better chance of getting a young child. Plus, the wait doesn't appear to be incredibly long for Russia right now.
As for the depression issue, it's still up in the air. The sad fact is that recent history has shown American couples who have adopted children from various countries only to have the child be neglected, abused, or, in some cases, dead. The common thread in most of these situations is a history of depression, anxiety or other mental health issues. And sadly, mental health issues still carry a tremendous stigma in these foreign lands.
That being said, the AWAA rep I spoke with said she believes that we can overcome this obstacle since my PTSD was situational and is under control now. So, we're moving forward. We can only do now what we've done from the start - leave it at the foot of the Cross. That's where all of our cares and concerns should be anyway, right?!
While we wait to hear if we've been approved from AWAA to move forward, we will look into getting Kurt a passport for travel. And we'll begin considering ways to raise the funds needed to cover the costs for our future little one. Until then, we ask your prayers for this process. We want God's will more than anything... and that He be glorified! We are excited about sharing this journey with you!
We sent off our application for adoption yesterday. We did so after much consideration and prayer about which agency to use. The seminar by America World Adoption Association a couple of weeks ago was fantastic. We ended up choosing them partly because of the seminar, partly because of other friends who are using them and seem pleased. But a big reason we chose them was the help they provided me after the seminar.
As I mentioned in another post, I was particularly concerned about all the stuff I had been reading about not being considered as a prospective adoptive parent if there was a history of depression. I contacted AWAA and spent quite a bit of time on the phone with a gal who handles the region where we were considering adoption. She answered so many questions and really took time to listen to my concerns. In the end, her generosity and willingness to be of encouragement and truth is what won me over.
We have chosen to adopt from Russia. We had been considering Kazakhstan, Ukraine and Russia. We chose Russia because this is where we'd have a better chance of getting a young child. Plus, the wait doesn't appear to be incredibly long for Russia right now.
As for the depression issue, it's still up in the air. The sad fact is that recent history has shown American couples who have adopted children from various countries only to have the child be neglected, abused, or, in some cases, dead. The common thread in most of these situations is a history of depression, anxiety or other mental health issues. And sadly, mental health issues still carry a tremendous stigma in these foreign lands.
That being said, the AWAA rep I spoke with said she believes that we can overcome this obstacle since my PTSD was situational and is under control now. So, we're moving forward. We can only do now what we've done from the start - leave it at the foot of the Cross. That's where all of our cares and concerns should be anyway, right?!
While we wait to hear if we've been approved from AWAA to move forward, we will look into getting Kurt a passport for travel. And we'll begin considering ways to raise the funds needed to cover the costs for our future little one. Until then, we ask your prayers for this process. We want God's will more than anything... and that He be glorified! We are excited about sharing this journey with you!
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