Our parent profile has been finalized and goes "live" tomorrow (Saturday, August 1st). We are now on display for all birth mom's to learn more about us and consider us as adoptive parents. Wow. This is such an amazing time for us. We're thrilled with progress so far, and we're humbled to know that God has already picked out our child for us.
Just because the parent profile is finished doesn't mean our work is done. Far from it! Now we need to prepare for our Home Study. But before we do that, we've got some decorating that needs to get done. We have to figure out which room will be the nursery. Which room will then become the guest bedroom? Can we combine my office and Kurt's and still let him have his "man cave"? Once we figure all of that out, we need to paint two of the rooms and lay new carpet. Then we need to rearrange the furniture.
We are blessed that we have a home big enough to have this dilemma!
Oh, and then there's the fund-raising. Our first big attempt at raising some cash comes on August 21st and 22nd with a gigantic garage sale. We've already gotten so many donations from so many people and hope to receive more. And, of course, we hope to sell it all and make some serious cash! LOL!
We'd like to go ahead and apply for loans and/or grants but that can't happen until we have our Home Study. But we can't have our Home Study until we get the rooms taken care of. And we probably can't get the rooms taken care of until we raise some cash! It's one of those never-ending circles.
There's so much going on, but we're so thankful we get to experience this. And I'm so thankful for Kurt and all he's doing to help in these efforts. He's going to be an amazing father!
Until next time...
Showing posts with label domestic adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label domestic adoption. Show all posts
Friday, July 31, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
The Profile
One component of the domestic adoption process is completing a profile which includes a variety of photos and details about the adoptive parents. The profiles are reviewed by birth mom's. The profiles are written in such a way that should give the birth mom an idea of who her child's potential parents could be. From the profile, the birth mom decides who she would like to meet and consider further for the placement of her child.
Ok, that sounded rather clinical didn't it? Well, that's sort of how I feel about this part of the process. As a writer, I have never written a more important document in my life! But how can I possibly tell the woman who may give up her child to my care for the rest of its life everything there is to know about our family in just a few pages of black ink? Kurt and I are so much more than what we put down on paper. Kurt said he felt like he was co-writing a resume. And just as in a job search, I am confident that, if you met me in person, you'd love me! You'd want to hire me immediately. Or you'd want me to be the mother of your child!
We have completed our profile, which took a lot longer than I thought. I'm an emotional writer so I was pretty happy with what was written early on. Kurt is the perfectionist so it took him a bit longer! But his additions were simply wonderful. It also took a long time to put our photos together. I look too big in that one. Ewww... I'm not wearing make up in that one. Oh, I like this, except he has his eyes closed. Why can't we find a picture of us with the dog and the cat together? Oh yeah, the cat doesn't like the dog so putting them next to each other long enough to take a photo would simply be... ugly.
But I think we finally got it. It's in the hands of the agency/lawyer now. Well, actually it's in God's Hands. I can't even begin to imagine having to make this type of decision in the first place but then to make the decision based on a few pieces of impersonal paper and fuzzy photos in what can only be described as marketing material. It's just beyond my wildest imagination, and in some ways, I grieve for the mother. The helper in me wants to make this an easier process but I know I can't.
Right now all I can do is pray that we have portrayed ourselves accurately without sounding superficial or sterile. And that what we have written will be intriguing enough to bring us to parenthood.
Ok, that sounded rather clinical didn't it? Well, that's sort of how I feel about this part of the process. As a writer, I have never written a more important document in my life! But how can I possibly tell the woman who may give up her child to my care for the rest of its life everything there is to know about our family in just a few pages of black ink? Kurt and I are so much more than what we put down on paper. Kurt said he felt like he was co-writing a resume. And just as in a job search, I am confident that, if you met me in person, you'd love me! You'd want to hire me immediately. Or you'd want me to be the mother of your child!
We have completed our profile, which took a lot longer than I thought. I'm an emotional writer so I was pretty happy with what was written early on. Kurt is the perfectionist so it took him a bit longer! But his additions were simply wonderful. It also took a long time to put our photos together. I look too big in that one. Ewww... I'm not wearing make up in that one. Oh, I like this, except he has his eyes closed. Why can't we find a picture of us with the dog and the cat together? Oh yeah, the cat doesn't like the dog so putting them next to each other long enough to take a photo would simply be... ugly.
But I think we finally got it. It's in the hands of the agency/lawyer now. Well, actually it's in God's Hands. I can't even begin to imagine having to make this type of decision in the first place but then to make the decision based on a few pieces of impersonal paper and fuzzy photos in what can only be described as marketing material. It's just beyond my wildest imagination, and in some ways, I grieve for the mother. The helper in me wants to make this an easier process but I know I can't.
Right now all I can do is pray that we have portrayed ourselves accurately without sounding superficial or sterile. And that what we have written will be intriguing enough to bring us to parenthood.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Seeking Baby
Since the door to adopting in Russia has closed, we have moved forward with a local Indianapolis agency, MLJ Adoptions, and decided on domestic adoption. As we said before, we're a bit freaked out about that concept but we keep reminding ourselves that God already has our child picked out for us. He's in complete control over things, and nothing will change His plan for our lives. Sure there might be some heartbreak in the midst of this adoption process, but I also know there will be great joy. And if God can use us to encourage others and point them toward Him, it's worth it.
Ok... I just got off track there but I speak with great joy and confidence in God's purpose and provision for our future forever family!
What I wanted to say is that we're looking for a baby. Yeah, that sounded pretty weird. I keep hearing that one of the best ways to find a birth-mother is to advertise. I'm still having a hard time swallowing that idea though. I mean, what does our ad look like: Married Caucasian couple seeking healthy newborn of no more than 10 pounds? That's just so unnatural.
And actually, that's not exactly what we'll do. But it feels like that's exactly what we're doing. Sure there is some legitimate advertising that goes on but the agency handles most of that. Our part comes about as we let people know that we're indeed hoping to adopt a newborn (but it doesn't matter how much he or she weighs!). Perhaps you know someone who has a teenage daughter who's gotten herself into a sticky situation. Maybe you're an OB/GYN who sees women who aren't ready or are unable to handle another child. Suppose you have a neighbor who has a cousin in Oregon who has a daughter in Alabama who needs a forever family for her unborn child.
What we're saying is that we'd welcome the connection.
There... I said it. And somehow, it still feels weird! But I know that our God is a wonderful God whose ways are not our ways. And we know that He can do exceedingly and abundantly more than we could have ever imagined. So, if this is part of the road we must travel, so be it!
Ok... I just got off track there but I speak with great joy and confidence in God's purpose and provision for our future forever family!
What I wanted to say is that we're looking for a baby. Yeah, that sounded pretty weird. I keep hearing that one of the best ways to find a birth-mother is to advertise. I'm still having a hard time swallowing that idea though. I mean, what does our ad look like: Married Caucasian couple seeking healthy newborn of no more than 10 pounds? That's just so unnatural.
And actually, that's not exactly what we'll do. But it feels like that's exactly what we're doing. Sure there is some legitimate advertising that goes on but the agency handles most of that. Our part comes about as we let people know that we're indeed hoping to adopt a newborn (but it doesn't matter how much he or she weighs!). Perhaps you know someone who has a teenage daughter who's gotten herself into a sticky situation. Maybe you're an OB/GYN who sees women who aren't ready or are unable to handle another child. Suppose you have a neighbor who has a cousin in Oregon who has a daughter in Alabama who needs a forever family for her unborn child.
What we're saying is that we'd welcome the connection.
There... I said it. And somehow, it still feels weird! But I know that our God is a wonderful God whose ways are not our ways. And we know that He can do exceedingly and abundantly more than we could have ever imagined. So, if this is part of the road we must travel, so be it!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
When One Door Closes...
Everyone's heard the phrase, "When one door closes, God opens another."
My Canadian friend and politician, Serge, often says that in order to be ready for that door to open, you first have to be in the hallway. Well, Kurt and I are in the hallway waiting for the next door to open.
The door to adopting from Russia has closed permanently and apparently has deadbolts on it. We sent in our application - and non-refundable $250 application fee - to America World Adoption Association early in May. There were a number of things that drew us to this organization but one of the biggest things is that I had a positive conversation with a representative about my previous diagnosis of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. She felt that the diagnosis would probably not be an issue even though we wanted to adopt from Russia, a country that will not consider anyone with a history of "mental health issues" such as depression, etc.
A few days after sending in the application (and our non-refundable $250 application fee), we received a call from another young lady from the agency. After going back and forth with them for about a week, we received word from them: We would not be considered as adoptive parents in Russia. Final answer.
I expressed my frustration with the young woman and told her that we felt deceived. They now had our $250 non-refundable fee but we never made it past the application process. (I am curious to know what they did with that $250 - aside of just telling us that we can't adopt from Russia after they told that we probably would be able to adopt from Russia.) She recommended we go through the Grievance Procedure to see if we could get our money back. I'm not holding my breath.
Kurt and I are incredibly disappointed but it has become clear that God doesn't want us to adopt from Russia, and we're learning to accept that. This experience has also shown us the tremendous risk in adopting. We specifically chose to go with international adoption because there seemed to be less risk than domestic adoption, where a birth-mother could easily change her mind. But if you look at it from the international perspective, it may not be the birth-mother changing her mind. It could just be the country that changes its mind for one reason or another.
My mom was pretty ticked off when I told her the news. And a few others have made similar comments: "They'd rather leave a child alone in an orphan without the love of Godly parents..." But I'm trying to remember that in this process, it's not about finding a child for a family. It is about finding a family for the child.
We did our due diligence and checked with some other agencies about this issue. The response was always the same. In some ways I feel responsible - like I'm some sort of freak of nature because of my diagnosis. But I can't change what happened to me. And I am proud of the person I have become despite those obstacles.
A new path is being forged. We are now moving forward with domestic adoption and have chosen MLJ Adoptions as our agency of choice. We hope to have a profile completed very soon so birth-mother's can start to consider us as possible choices to raise their child(ren). It's all in God's Hands; and they're mighty Hands indeed!
My Canadian friend and politician, Serge, often says that in order to be ready for that door to open, you first have to be in the hallway. Well, Kurt and I are in the hallway waiting for the next door to open.
The door to adopting from Russia has closed permanently and apparently has deadbolts on it. We sent in our application - and non-refundable $250 application fee - to America World Adoption Association early in May. There were a number of things that drew us to this organization but one of the biggest things is that I had a positive conversation with a representative about my previous diagnosis of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. She felt that the diagnosis would probably not be an issue even though we wanted to adopt from Russia, a country that will not consider anyone with a history of "mental health issues" such as depression, etc.
A few days after sending in the application (and our non-refundable $250 application fee), we received a call from another young lady from the agency. After going back and forth with them for about a week, we received word from them: We would not be considered as adoptive parents in Russia. Final answer.
I expressed my frustration with the young woman and told her that we felt deceived. They now had our $250 non-refundable fee but we never made it past the application process. (I am curious to know what they did with that $250 - aside of just telling us that we can't adopt from Russia after they told that we probably would be able to adopt from Russia.) She recommended we go through the Grievance Procedure to see if we could get our money back. I'm not holding my breath.
Kurt and I are incredibly disappointed but it has become clear that God doesn't want us to adopt from Russia, and we're learning to accept that. This experience has also shown us the tremendous risk in adopting. We specifically chose to go with international adoption because there seemed to be less risk than domestic adoption, where a birth-mother could easily change her mind. But if you look at it from the international perspective, it may not be the birth-mother changing her mind. It could just be the country that changes its mind for one reason or another.
My mom was pretty ticked off when I told her the news. And a few others have made similar comments: "They'd rather leave a child alone in an orphan without the love of Godly parents..." But I'm trying to remember that in this process, it's not about finding a child for a family. It is about finding a family for the child.
We did our due diligence and checked with some other agencies about this issue. The response was always the same. In some ways I feel responsible - like I'm some sort of freak of nature because of my diagnosis. But I can't change what happened to me. And I am proud of the person I have become despite those obstacles.
A new path is being forged. We are now moving forward with domestic adoption and have chosen MLJ Adoptions as our agency of choice. We hope to have a profile completed very soon so birth-mother's can start to consider us as possible choices to raise their child(ren). It's all in God's Hands; and they're mighty Hands indeed!
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