For those of you who know me, you know that I'm a journalist at heart. My keen interest in knowledge may be part of what led me to conclude I didn't want to birth any babies in the first place! (Thanks, in part, to books like "The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy" and "What to Expect When Expecting"!) Likewise, when it comes to this adoption process, I have to know everything there is to know. Of course, that isn't entirely a bad thing. But, sometimes knowing too much can lead to a bit of uncertainty and fear.
I have learned so much through a variety of sources on the issue of international adoption. Even though I'm curious by nature and like to dig, I can be impulsive when it comes to making decisions, especially ones from the heart. So, Kurt would be proud of my research efforts! In some ways I wonder if we're handling things opposite of the way we normally would. When making a major decision, Kurt is usually the slow one, always researching Consumer Reports, consumer rankings, and every technological or scientific fact available to man. I, as I mentioned, am like my father. I see it. I like it. My heart flutters. And I buy it!
This time though, I wonder if Kurt has already decided on which agency he wants to go with. Perhaps he's doing homework when I'm not looking but I have spent days scouring the Internet in the hopes of learning all I can about every possible Christian adoption agency on the planet. I even made up an Excel spreadsheet yesterday! Wow. I am never that thorough unless I'm working on a story!
Well, I suppose we'll find out where we stand tomorrow. Our church, Zionsville Fellowship, is hosting an informational seminar from America World Adoption Association. I'm so very excited about attending. But... remember that thing about knowing too much information? Well, one thing I have learned in my research suggests that many countries will not consider someone as an adoptive parent if they're being treated for or have a history of mental illness, including depression.
I'm still on anti-depressants but haven't had a depressive episode since long before my surgery in December. And the symptoms of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (which I was diagnosed with after my 9/11 experience) are virtually non-existent. But, I am fearful that we'll get rejected; that they'll view me as some sort of psycho and unfit to parent a child.
Our awesome neighbors, Hayley and Kurt (yes, it gets confusing having a Kurt in houses next door to each other), reminded me yesterday that God is in control. We have prayed for God's will. Now, we just have to wait for Him to bring His will to fruition.
I can't wait to learn more tomorrow at the seminar. And I look forward to sharing with each of you!